"I wanna be real." I have said that many times in my lifetime. The fact is I can only be who I am right now with all my misconceptions and scars. OK, so why hide the real me?
What does it mean to be real? It looks like I will have a lifetime to discover that. The changes I like in myself are the ones that have pushed me into what is true and real. It has not come from TRYING to "be Laurie" The changes have come as I have been stripped of external identities. The identities like "the good mom", the perfect wife, the single independent person who is radiantly happy, and the child of God who performs righteously.
I am not a mom of impressionable children anymore. I am no longer a wife. I, as a single, am not always happy. And I am totally not perfect. It is too bad that I have to be old and wrinkled to discover more of me. Next is death and then sweet release!
If all the marial things I displayed to the world disappeared and if all my pride would go away when I did something good, what would be left?
Who am I really? At my root, I am spectacular creation made by God, every part of me. Like all of us, I have been formed by culture and experiences that cause me to naturally want to cover up with "appearances".
When I am myself, I feel free...like an earthen vessel open to God's continuing work.
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." II Corintians 4:7
I thank God for all the struggles that have caused me to discover myself and who He is.