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Addicted

December 1, 2018

 

 Pain is unwelcome at times.  I don't want to acknowledge it.  It is a matter of well-being that I do.

 

When feeling physical pain, it is a sign that something is not right. Prescribed drugs are helpful and needed, but pain can be masked if too much is taken for the wrong reasons.  It is important to know our bodies.  I am still learning mine.

 

When feeling emotional pain, it is a sign that something needs to be faced, something not easy to face.    I can avoid facing it by a number of things - drown it out with loud music, eat some more chocolate, run around and get busy, and on and on.  I could do drugs or have a drink, but I've seen loved ones crash on these.

 

Anything I use to numb the pain, can become a habit, an avoidance, or an addiction.  If I don't stop and look at the pain, I cannot grow and learn who I am.

Who am I?  I am a recipient of God's gracious love every day.  I am a weak human being and  I am a bundle of potential.  Now there's a mix!

 

I didn't realize, as a young mom, that shielding my children from pain was detrimental to their growth and maturity. 

"Don't climb that high, you might fall."

"Don't color outside the lines, you might get a bad grade."

"Be careful what you do, or people won't like you."

I often did not allow them to face their  own consequences or exercise their inner muscles to get through hard times, which are a given.  I'm trying not to do that with the kids who are in my life now.

 

I often have done the same thing to myself.  I cover up my pain by getting real busy.  I often try to overcome feelings of dejection by grabbing my phone and pawing at it until I find something that makes me feel good.  Not a good habit.

 

I have been helped by spending lots of time in downtown community.  Many of my friends there are drug addicts.  Many will be outright honest about it.  I see quite a bit of humility, love, and genuine caring.  It is because addiction to drugs isn't the only addiction.  There are escapes that are exercised by every human being.  It is the same human trait in all of us.  Avoiding pain.   I feel so happy when I am with this open and honest community.  In the expressions of our struggles, we become close and things happen!  There is a feeling of togetherness and not isolation.

 

In the last few months, I have spent a good number of times alone. Taking time to journal and pray and listen to my feelings is instrumental as I know myself and actually like myself.  Alone and quiet, I can hear God's loving voice.  I must embrace pain, emotional, or physical.

With pain comes growth and if we allow it to, it connects us with others who are experiencing the same thing.  And we all get healthy.

 

This morning, I sat down in my prayer chair and told God the truth.  "It is hard for me to sit here with you today.  I have some disappointments and I feel squirmy and anxious.  I want to know that I am loved by you, the most important one. In fact I am choosing to be with you BEFORE breakfast.  So here's my heart...."

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