Who am I? I want to find out before I leave quarantine, and go back out into the world. I mean, really, I am not what I thought I was. I thought that the multitude of all the stuff I did was perhaps who I was. I thought if I had relatable friends and family, that might dictate who I am. Maybe it was all my interests and talents. I am a gardener, a friend, a sister, a mother, a grandma. I am a philanthropist, an artist, a swimmer, a poet, a social butterfly, a neighbor, and on and on. With all of this stripped away, who am I? In my essence.
So, as I sit and fidget, I think about my Creator and what he had in mind. I am reminded that He loves me exceedingly. How could someone so big love little old me? I have asked him to show me so I can truly know that big love. Any glimpses I have had of it has bowled me over.
I don’t think I am the only one who has a deep yearning for love. My response to that is to love back. I thought about what God asks me to do. As I have read the Bible over the years, I continue to marvel that he has put all his commands under one command.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and your neighbor as yourself.”
Is that hard? Only when I am deceived that he doesn’t love me. There is a give and take in how I relate to God. He is patient with my mistakes and because of that, I can love him, and then love myself, and then love others.
Love goes to the core. It is soothing and it is also painful. Love does its work.
I give Him my life. Whatever emerges from that act, is who I am. I have to live my life out day by day, in profit or loss, through thick and thin, and know that I am “Laurie”, uniquely made by God. Life will unfold naturally in my actions and in what I do.
I am learning to depend on Someone higher and to know how wonderfully I am made. When I am turned loose from these quiet alone times, I want to be ripe to do the next thing as life opens up in curious ways. No, I don’t want to waste this difficult, but revealing time.