April 26, 2020

Six weeks in isolation has done its work.  The work, that happens in the inner self, is running its course.  Emotions have been running with it. This morning, I was up very early, fussing and puttering,  and sputtering about why the clock said 5:00 AM.  Two hours later, I went back to bed feeling depressed.


"What is going on?" I thought.  


When I get agitated, I try to figure out why and what I need to do to fix it.  I tried something different.   I accomodated my emotions and allowed myself to get depressed....and then I went to sleep.  Normally, I would be angry with myself for not doing something productive.  I had never tried this.  I push solutions, and that doesn't work.


"It's OK to be depressed."  It is a human condition at times.


I was unusually patient with myself, as I slept several times during the day, letting fitful dreams surface.  My thoughts started getting a little sweeter.  I felt the same, but I felt God's presence, without trying to drum it up.  I rested.  I took advantage of the fact that I had no commitments or places I needed to be.  I am still in isolation.   And depressed.


"Is this day wasted?"    I asked myself.  I felt selfish for some reason.


The day wasn't wasted.  I naturally lifted a prayer to God to  sort out what I needed to learn and to help me know myself.  In the meantime, I continued on.


"Will tomorrow be like this?"   


No need to know.  I am resting my soul in my Maker. 

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