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Depression


Six weeks in isolation has done its work. The work, that happens in the inner self, is running its course. Emotions have been running with it. This morning, I was up very early, fussing and puttering, and sputtering about why the clock said 5:00 AM. Two hours later, I went back to bed feeling depressed.

"What is going on?" I thought.

When I get agitated, I try to figure out why and what I need to do to fix it. I tried something different. I accomodated my emotions and allowed myself to get depressed....and then I went to sleep. Normally, I would be angry with myself for not doing something productive. I had never tried this. I push solutions, and that doesn't work.

"It's OK to be depressed." It is a human condition at times.

I was unusually patient with myself, as I slept several times during the day, letting fitful dreams surface. My thoughts started getting a little sweeter. I felt the same, but I felt God's presence, without trying to drum it up. I rested. I took advantage of the fact that I had no commitments or places I needed to be. I am still in isolation. And depressed.

"Is this day wasted?" I asked myself. I felt selfish for some reason.

The day wasn't wasted. I naturally lifted a prayer to God to sort out what I needed to learn and to help me know myself. In the meantime, I continued on.

"Will tomorrow be like this?"

No need to know. I am resting my soul in my Maker.

 

Muncie, Indiana

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